Monday, October 6, 2008

Parenting for Dummies

I was lying in the bath wondering why I never had anything to blog about (reason for lying in the bath to come soon.....ish!) Anyways, I figured it was because I have nothing to blog about except the kids really and while they sometimes do silly, cute or dangerous stuff, I don't have enough material to work with. Or the battery is dead in the camera while they are doing it. Or Cathal is swimming when the small mackeral come in and they look like pirhanna fish splashing through the water but Mother Organised didn't even think to bring the camera. Or.......
I could go on, but I won't or I'll use up my one blog post a month on it. So, as I said, I was in the bath, thinking, as you do at such times, and was thinking how my kids still share a bath sometimes and is that legal now? And thinking of the little bath chairs they each had. How I shared a bath with my sis until I was about 6. How I shared a room with the same sis until I was 16, should I let the kids get bunk beds like they want? And my mind wandered, as it does at precious times like this, lying in the bath, and I recalled a blog post by Lynda about her next bestseller! Like her, (ya'all need to read the post!) I have "parenting issues". Like "Where the hell did you come from?" or "If I feed you chocolate will you stop asking me questions?" or "If I feed you to the....." No, I don't say that really, that was for shock factor. Really. I have no idea where that thought manifested itself from. Really. Truely. I love my kids. That's why i have nothing else to blog about!
So! (Getting away from that......) I had an epi.. (hang on, gotta go Google) Epiphany! Thanks to Barbara for getting me in the bath (I said I'd tell ye about that later!) and Lynda I realised I don't have to wait till my child breaks an arm so I have cute pictures of casts to photograph or scrapbook (touch wood neither have-I can guess what next months blog post will be....) They only get "internal" stuff like fluid on the hip (not nice) and they don't let you stay to photograph that stuff. Like the battery in my camera would be ready anyway.
So......back to the bath and thinking, and (man I have a lot of thread veins, I think I'll stick to showering) I had the bright idea of Parenting for Dummies! (I know, I googled it, it's already there, but I bet they're not REAL dummies, like I was my first time out of the hospital with a tiny human being) So I was thinking I could pass on those tiny bits of info that don't make it into the books (that are written by people with well behaved, mannerly nieces and nephews) I can give tips from the heart. What has worked for me. Oh wow, I can make a difference! Not really, but I've spent so long typing now with a faulty Shift button that to stop now would crush me.....

So, Number one tip (that I ALWAYS give new Mommies) is, "Don't take anyone's advice or tips on raising YOUR child" I do, really. I say, "I could give you advice, but I won't, but I will tell you that when your Mother in Law/sister/lady on the road/libriarian starts saying "You shouldn't be doing" or "That child should be" just smile and say "Yes, I'll try that" and make her a cup of tea or give her a brandy or get a dose of the cramps, whichever will shut her up quicker. I say Her, not for ease of typing, but because it's mainly "hers" that give advice. Which is why I'm here!

Seriously, (This is the serious part, you can disregard the above!) I was lying in the bath as ye know by now, and so bathtime was on my mind. I got to thinking about my early trials as a Mother Bathing a Baby. (In BOLD 'cause we're worth it!) I picked up a nifty trick (all by myself) after I nearly drowned my firstborn reaching for shampoo (It was a horrific experience, for me, he was fine in 2 seconds, I cried for 2 days) I found, if I had to bathe my child in a full size bath, to fill the bath a bit, put a folded towel in the bath (the length of the baby) put baby on towel and wash. No slipping on the enamel/plastic bath. The baby will stay on the towel. Yes, you have a sopping wet towel but you also have a baby in water you can manage. (Actually, if I may, one piece of advice, don't use baby oil IN the bath, unless you're an octapus! After the bath, fine! It just makes them so damn hard to get a hold of! I learnt that first time around! And therin lies "Parenting for Dummies"

With my second, the trauma of "full size bath" must have been in the back of my mind. She was bathed in the kitchen sink until she grew out of it. It's funny to hear someone talking about "how lucky ye are, we were bathed in the kitchen sink" Hey, if it was good enough for them, it's good enough for me. And if it delays a few stray grey hairs along the way, I'm happy. So The Missus was bathed in the kitchen sink until she was ready for the bath chair. I got a lot of thumbs up (one through the window down at MIL's house from the Auntie next door, and my Mother approved) but I got a few, "Have you not got a baby bath? Then why are you ....?..static.....white noise.....going into a tunnel......Sorry, I can't hear you......"

Take care of your babies as best you know how. Next installment: Antibiotics. Only kidding! Actually I think I should finally come out about my fascination with windows in the dark.....
So that's my input for today. I hope to come up with and remember a few more gems to part with ye. Most will probably be hindsight, but hey, my hindsight might be your 20/20 vision! If you'd like to leave your tips on what has worked for you I'd love to read them. (And maybe use them!)

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6 comments:

My World said...

I'm lmao here. That's hilarious! Memory cap on and thinking about things I did that someone might benefit from. still laughing!!!! You should have a bath more often... ;-)

Lynn said...

So funny Neasa! Any tips on how to get a five year old to stop shouting and having little tantrums over every little thing?

littlebit said...

Great post.... interesting theory. Been done to death however :-(

Towel in bath idea has even been marketed - you can now buy a wee towel over a frame that sits in the base of your bath.....sorry!

Dianne said...

Great LO & BTW you've just been tagged, visit my blog for details http://diannesdooodleblog.blogspot.com/

Mandy - Crafty Angel said...

what a great post, u manage to write whats in my head all the time, you have a great way with words, one which is not my forte! Keep em coming, will try and come up with a few tips that I tried, when I say tried, its more a case of learnt the hard way! LOL!! Take care, mandyxx

kiki's page said...

neasa im only reading your blog now, dont know why i hadnt followed it before.

anyway....its hilarious, you should really write a book, you really do have a great way with words. your kids are gorgeous by the way!